took a break

Well, I stopped working at 3:00 because I was tired but I was still able to drive to get Chinese at 5:00 (after a nap).

I went for a walk today and made it as far as a couple of blocks.  It's not that I was all that tired, but it was cold and breezy and my long sleeve shirt wasn't keeping me warm enough. 

It was nice to get out.  And I will get through the last of this.

another day, and yes I'm working...

Well, I got 8 hours in today.  I've been working pretty close to a 40 hour week since the week after my infusion.  Thank goodness I don't have to drive.

I'm a little tired, considering where I am in the cycle that's normal.  At least the heartburn hasn't been bugging me and I haven't felt any nausea since last Wednesday.

I can finally wind it down and feel an end to the cycle of nausea, heartburn, tiredness etc.

Now I'm just tired.   And that doesn't bother me at all.

feeling much better

I have been feeling much better and much stronger. 

My diet has changed too: I'm going back on the low carbohydrate grind and am slowly squeezing them out of what I eat.

I went out to do some shopping by myself and drove to some stores.  It was so wonderful and strange to feel myself behind the wheel again. 

I did get out and drive to fill up my tank about a month ago but the last time I drove before that was in December.

I suspect that I'm cresting before I go into the doldrums of the funky blood counts.  I'll be tired by Tuesday, but today I feel great.  

And in the not too distant future I will be out of the cycles and into the never never land of life.

A Brief walk and lots of work

I'm going to be going into the 10-14 day post infusion doldrums in a couple of days so today and tomorrow I'm in that sweet spot where I feel pretty good and have reasonable energy.

I spent a lot of time working today - there was a project that had to get done.

I haven't been tracking my blood sugars lately, just taking my drugs and eating the usual stuff.  I think it will be time pretty soon to cut back on the starches (so necessary for psychological support) and get down to the business of losing the weight I've gained during all the chemo.

I took a brief walk today in the late afternoon, but I was already feeling tired so I only got a couple of blocks before I came back.   One of these days my walks will be longer every day.

waking up late

My muscles were not feeling well last night, and I thought that my back would be having muscle spasms so I decided to take one of my really serious pain pills.

I slept about 10 hours and I felt great.  A little groggy but great.

It's fun not to have to look forward to another infusion. I'm starting to feel better.  I felt better today.

I was beginning to think I would never come out of the tired, nauseated feeling that I have been wrapped in the last several days.  But it is one week since the infusion and that is the border where I begin to feel better. 

I am feeling better. I walked about 3 blocks today.  It was nice.

missed a posting

Not for any particular reason, but Monday was simply a day of exhaustion.  I also worked. 

I had thought of sending an email saying that I was brain dead and tired but there was a little bit of my feeling dutiful and in need of the money.  I did about two hours and slept between 11:30 and 2:00 which got me up just in time for an email saying something like "Can you get this done by tomorrow morning".

So I actually put in some hours, and same the next day.   But although I have been a bit better each day I am still tired.

Perhaps tomorrow I will be exhausted without heartburn.  I wait with baited breath.

not a vast improvement, but enough to make me feel optimistic

I'm optimistic because I've been through this before and I know that I will feel better each day until I get to the point where I start getting tired. 

But tired doesn't bother me that much.

I decided that I would feel better physically if I could once again hear the deep rhythmic sound of someone chanting OM.  So I downloaded several and found an hour long "Jean-Paul Soares" version of that for 99 cents.

Cheap thrills.


Loading my MP3 player was something of a challenge, I wanted to be able to sit outside and listen to it and just feel myself relax.  But getting it to work took a couple of tries and a few MP3 player reboots to get everything I wanted downloaded.

I'm a little tired of taking drugs to ease the various pains involved in chemo and my thought was that this would provide a comfortable ambiance.  

And I was right about that.


At the moment I have my ear phones wrapped around my head and I'm just feeling my insides vibrate so pleasantly.  OM.

Although horrid, I think the day will end and tomorrow will be better

It has been a day of stomach and intestinal upset and weakness.  After lunch I went up the stairs to get the laundry and felt weak, and breathless and could feel my heart working extra. 

I was breathing hard.

Now that I'm back typing to just typing I'm feeling better.

I took time after napping to sit on the deck in the back of the house and occasionally look at the pages of a book.  

I spent a lot of time looking at the tall pines and young broad leaf trees in our back yard and between our neighbor's houses.

The reason I was sitting on the deck was that I was so easily exhausted simply by walking to the end of the driveway to pick up a paper.

This will not last longer than a few days; Monday I will feel better.  I'll be doing great by mid-week.

Another day after the day after...

A lot better today than yesterday, although that little bit of heartburn is still with me.  Yesterday I had a lot of queasiness and general gut discomfort.

I've noticed over the last couple of days that food seems to keep me satisfied longer.  I don't know whether to attribute this to any particular drug, but I think I will have to start taking my little magnesium oxide tablets on a more regular basis to move things along.

I walked about half a block: it was nice to get out.

It seems to have been a long while since I first started these treatments on New Years Eve and it has been a mix of eerie sensations and joys.

On the one hand the treatments are a bit brutal: sudden chills which pass in a few moments; nausea, intestinal discomfort, diarrhea, constipation and sinus problems.  Not to mention the need for surgery to install a port and the many pokes involved.   The many entertaining postures I take up to get the port to actually work the way it is designed.  There is that copper color my urine takes on during and after the infusion.

Having all my hair fall out.

But my condition when I started wasn't the best: neck and head muscle spasms that would make the world's most pain cherishing masochist scream.  A bevy of drugs to control them.  Nights sweats drenching my T-shirts every night.

I had to sleep in a chair or couch half sitting up after my "in my throat" biopsy.  The inside of my throat was swollen so that I had a difficult time swallowing and I would not be able to exhale properly if I lay on my back.

I was actually dying.  Drugged so that I really didn't think that far ahead but my destination would have been an uncomfortable death.

But even during the first infusion as the Retuximab (Retuxin) was dripping into me I felt a relaxation and sense of relief in my neck and within the week I was able to sleep lying down.

After the first week or so after each infusion the discomforts began to wear off although my immune system would take a substantial hit a few days later.  I would start feeling better as I would recover from the cancer and the infusion. 

Six R-CHOP infusions and four spinal infusions with other drugs are a small discomfort compared to what my "natural" outcome would have been.

And I'm feeling pretty good.

The first day after my last infusion

I pretty much stayed in today. I got up early, probably because of the prednisone, but also because I tend to nap a lot when I'm infused (Benadryl). 

I started work at 6:00 and ended at 11:00 with a nap that lasted about an hour.  Which is a lot for the first day after.   I'm happy with the amount of work I got done.

Not bad for the first day after - just a little heartburn.

The one and only last one?

I hate infusions.  I can finally admit that to myself.

The odds of the cancer coming back is 50/50 which is why I am choosing to be part of a clinical trial in the hope that more drugs will stave off a recurrence of the dreaded lymphoma.

At least for a year.

I have a PET/CT scan in another 4 weeks and I see my oncologist again.   Presumably he'll take blood and I can see if my immune system is up to going back to work.

Which is not to say that I will be ready to go back to work full time. But maybe some time.

Counting down one last time (hopefully)

Well, I hope it's my last one.  I think it is.  It's gotta be!

Wednesday will be my last infusion and I am so grateful that  I made it through this far.  After this comes the complex part of finding out where to go for the clinical trial and perhaps more details.  Find out when I can schedule some time to do something fun (like go to the beach this fall) or travel back to Wisconsin for a visit with family.  Go back to work at the office instead of working at home. 

But first I have to make it through my last infusion.  Take the dreaded prednisone one last time.  Have that feeling neatly described by a certain niece of mine once, quite succinctly: Yuck!

Quality time with my tumors

Well, presumably they are gone now.  Or scrunched down so I don't feel them anymore; but here I am poised to have my last infusion (coming this Wednesday) and I'm getting weepy eyed over these little friends that have been sucking my life blood like vampires over the last year.

I wonder what the one in my liver would be doing now if I weren't dead or hadn't flushed my system with chemicals that kill tumors?

What about the one in my spleen?

One more inhalation while they press the needle into my port and then spend the next twenty minutes making sure it works properly.   One last blood draw where they test my various cell counts to see how I did last time.   And then the drugs.   The waiting; the napping from the Benadryl and finally going home to the really important questions: will I have constipation, or diarrhea?

awash in speculative retrospective bewilderment one more time

As I approach my last infusion of the six treatments that were planned I want to look back and see how I got here. 

As much as I can piece together from emails this is the time line:

• It could be a headache (end of June).
• OTC pain medications (July)
• X-Rays of neck with small disks C4-5 and C6-7 (start of August).
• Visited KMI massage person (day of x-ray)
• Changed monitor at work and try to stand up straight
• Skelaxin
• Skelaxin plus muscle spasms in neck (mid August)
• Carisoprodol (late August)
• Glasses (September) 
• Lumps (early November)
• ENT (mid November)
• CT scan (late November)
• Biopsy (I lose my beloved tonsil: early December)
• Biopsy Report (mid December)
• Meet with Oncologist (late December)
• First Chemo session (New Years Eve)

From this and looking back on my emails to my doctor I would draw several conclusions:

• Whenever I thought it was one thing or another I was always wrong and I was wrong a lot
• My doctor was wrong a lot too
• A lot of the advice I got from people was irrelevant or unusable
• My cancer was found with a CT scan and a Biopsy
• The CT scan alone led to guesses until the biopsy results arrived
• It was treated when it was known

The lump on my neck was the item that caused my doctor to send me to the ENT who looked down my throat and said that it looked full on one side.  That's why she ordered the CT scan.

This lump mysteriously vanished three days before my first chemotherapy infusion.  I do not know what caused that lump to appear.  I have many speculations but I know how much I can trust them.

awash in speculative retrospective bewilderment part one

Next Wednesday is my final infusion; so I thought that now would be a good time for a brief look back on how I got here.

I think of the speculation, both mine and my doctor's as what delayed me from something that could really help me.

Sometime in mid-summer I began to have mild headaches.  They were rather vague and used to start in the morning about the time I went to work.  Naturally, I thought nothing of it.  It took an upcoming vacation to get me to email my doctor and get some advice about what to do.

If you know me you might know that about 25 years ago, before I left Wisconsin I had headaches that seemed to be caused by some "inadequate" disks in my neck. Not enough to pinch the nerves real bad, but enough so I notice.

In the new x-ray that my current doctor ordered these were at C4-5 and C6-7 for those of you anatomically disposed.  I would guess that the narrowing is the same as in the old x-ray.

A little evidence can be a terribly misleading thing, and thus began the long venture in the land of "I wonder if it could be X, Y, or Z".   The x-ray was in early August.

Of course the headache and neck strain could be caused by those little very little disks.  But might posture also be implicated?

When my doctor was probing the stiff muscles of my neck they relaxed and kind of felt better and he suggested massage.   Which I agreed to and looked forward to with a sense of anticipated relief.

At this point in my career as a patient I had graduated from simple OTC (Over the Counter) pain medications to pain medications (I think I was taking 4 Aleve per day) and a mild muscle relaxant called Skelaxin.

I was about to put my toe into the water of sado-masochistic therapy.  I wonder if it should be called body work although the proper term is Kinesis Myofascial Integration and it has as it's theoretical underpinning ideas about how we get stuck in unnatural positions as we get older.  Literally stuck and the therapy unsticks us.  Forcefully.


I have in the past referred to it as the son of Rolfing, for those of you who are old enough to remember the 1970's.  And the various therapies that evolved then.

The process starts with the feet and is quite painful.  It doesn't work on the muscle it works on the connective tissues and it works hard.

Normally in a massage you get undressed in a room, perhaps down to your undershorts and cover your self with a sheet and wait on a table.   With modesty and discretion always in mind.

Ever have a picture taken of you in your underwear?   Just your undershorts?  After arriving for a massage and expecting a sheet and some discretion?

Would you feel embarrassed enough to glow a rosy shade of red?

Well that was the start and then came the painful massage.  

I hurt from one end of me to the other and at the end my neck was twisted from side to the other side and remember that at that time I had no idea that I was carrying a soft little package of love right in there.  Where it was  being twisted.

That pain was excruciating.

in the mid-cycle doldrums...

Yes, I am in the mid-cycle doldrums.  Those few days where I feel a bit wobbly and don't walk very far.  When I tire early and wish to sleep late.  Those days. Yawn!

What might be called pollen flour has come to North Carolina, so walking and inhaling all that pine pollen may not be a great idea.  But I did it.  Didn't walk too far; perhaps a block or so, but came back at least feeling that I had moved around.

I took a hose to both our cars and after I came back inside the house saw more billowy clouds of yellow stuff wafting around from our pine trees.

Gives a new twist on the term "yellow snow".

Day 12 and I am sleepy

It's day 12 and I have been tired off and on all day.  I did work today, but all during the afternoon I considered quitting and resting.  I finally did at 4:00 but I could have easily quit at 1:30.

I'm feeling more functional now but I'm sitting, leaning against the couch and not doing anything challenging.

A cat is propped up on my lap and I have ear buds in my ears.

I didn't go for a walk - just going up the stairs is a bit of a challenge.

For the uninitiated: in days 10-14 white and red cell counts drop (were they to be taken) and platelets are trashed.

Wasn't there a commercial for iron poor tired blood back when I was a kid?

I've been here before -  I'll feel better in a few of days.

Arbeiten macht...

I worked today.  There was a project I wanted to finish and I had thought I was almost done with it Friday so I requested more work from my boss.  Then I discovered that I hadn't gone deep enough into the code and I had to actually figure out what it was doing.

So I spent a few hours here, a few hours there with time for a lunch, a walk and some recreational reading in between.  But I got my project done.


I just don't feel sick today.  I like working, it fills the time if I couldn't work I might have to do something like write science fiction.  

Goodness knows what I might come up with. 

golden as the rising sun

We went out to Whole Foods to get some groceries today and ran into our oncology nurse. During the course of the conversation we talked about what some other folks who have gone through chemotherapy have had happen to them. 

The problems relate to immune system perturbations that begin with fever and end in septic shock.

People can die from that.

I seem to have been walking through this like some innocent golden boy trekking down a forest path while all the monsters in the deep and dark feast on corpses downwind and hidden while I stroll by unaware enjoying the country air.

I have the pleasure of a beautiful day

In lots of ways I am feeling much better today.   And for the past couple of days.  I didn't want to jinx it by telling you.

But be consoled that your ignorance has been my bliss.

I have had heartburn less often and my sinuses have been feeling better.  No nausea at all.

I took a long walk today, maybe a good five blocks and the windows are open.  It was 75 degrees outside today.  Sunny and nice.

Spring in this part of the country is very sweet.  Stuff (I don't know what) blooming, green grass and the smell of earth waking up.

Naturally I attribute my well-being to the fact that I have past the one week mark after my prior infusion.  Although I have not experienced the savage diarrhea that I used to have in the first few days after.

Actually, I've been taking my little white magnesium oxide tablets to help maintain regularity. 

I can feel some of the places where the tumors were and everything feels perfectly normal. 

It is of course two more weeks until my final R-CHOP infusion and although the thought makes me ill right now I know that after another couple of weeks I can face it without my stomach asking any impertinent questions.

ibid: what does that mean anyway?

I'm about where I was yesterday. 

Because of the glimepiride I'm able to keep my blood sugars reasonable while I've been taking the prednisone.  Only one more prednisone stint to go thank goodness. 

Now my major symptom is heart burn. All those little cells that line my gut have been R-CHOP'd to death.  They don't protect me from my own stomach acid anymore. All good things burn even the tomato basil soup that tasted so good.

My sinuses are a bit of a problem too, it seems they have gotten sensitive and if I bend over to pick something up the blood rushing to my head and increased blood pressure makes me get a headache.

But altogether I think these are small problems compared to what I think others have to suffer through while on chemotherapy.  My oncologist said there was no science to how the symptoms appear after I mentioned that mine had changed where they showed up in the cycle. 

The whole idea of chemotherapy is that it kills the cancer before it gets you. So naturally there is a certain down side to taking this course of action.  I would imagine that for some people, that course of action fails.

I have placed myself, with help and encouragement, on one side of a bet that I will survive the chemotherapy.  Not everybody does.  So far everything implies that I will. 

Lucky me.

It was an OK day, not much to write about

Tomorrow is my last day of prednisone for this cycle, and that will help with things.  At least sleep.

I'm not experiencing very much nausea, mostly just occasional heartburn.  So I'm doing pretty good. 

I managed to get three blocks in my walk today, an improvement over the last couple of days and even better than last week. 

Things will look up until they look down again.

I got little more than a couple of hours of sleep last night because the prednisone kept me awake - I would drift in and out of sleep and look at the clock.  I did take a sleeping pill and some pain medication.  Eventually I took a muscle relaxant during the night because of pain in the middle of my back.  I wonder if it was the 
L4 compression fracture acting  up? 

The muscle relaxant helped with the Muscle spasms, so I was back to drifting in and out of sleep.

it is friday I'm feeling a little better

I'm doing much better today than yesterday - I even managed to walk two blocks.

So far no diarrhea, minimal constipation probably more sinus problems than usual but today is better in that regard than yesterday.  I have no clue as to why my body is responding so well to this. 

Even my blood sugars seem OK. 

But it's Friday, I'm doing better than I expected and I'm trundling along to my last infusion only weeks away.   And after that to a clinical trial which will involve either an oral medication or a less complete infusion.


A part of me wants to get this over with no matter how uncomfortable it makes me. 

Another day after and I don't care...

The only good thing I can say is that I have three weeks to recover before the next and last chemotherapy treatment.  I seem to be having more side effects than normal, although I guess it's to be expected considering that the treatments are cumulative and I'm on the accumulated end.

In the middle of earlier cycles I walked up to five or six blocks - I was feeling stronger after a week of being infused, but this time I don't think so.  I got a block today - the day before the infusion I got two blocks.

I'm getting weaker.

I know that I will start to feel better, day by day and then I'll have my last infusion and I will recover and go back to work.  But I think it is a long hard slog.

What is a comfortable way?

What is a comfortable way to say yuck!??

Well, my fifth infusion is done and I feel OK.  I'm not nauseated very much so I guess I'm OK.

But after each of these things I have an uncomfortable feeling something like I've had too much to drink.

Without the pleasant aspects of being drunk.


Well, I'm not drunk and I suppose that R-CHOP chemotherapy is healthy in the sense that the cancer is really going away.  I am very lucky that I can feel this way.  Uncomfortable.


Three more weeks and I will have my last.

"Twice more into the breach!"

Was that a misquote from Henry the fifth?

Tomorrow is another infusion, and I am beginning to notice that symptoms that I used to experience only early in the infusion cycle are hanging around for later.

I wonder how I'll feel after six of them.

But better to be alive and on my way to a longer life even if I have to go through this.  What's a little diarrhea and intestinal discomfort? 

The headaches aren't as bad as the headaches I used to have.  I am a little weak.

I'm happy that I don't have to go through the spinal infusions anymore.

So I'm all psychologically ready for the next to the last infusion tomorrow. Only one more after that!

Yes, at last Saturday...

It is a bright and beautiful day today, and I walked but only a couple of blocks.  My poor body feels like it is suffering from all of my prior infusions.  Not as bad as the first six days after one of them but a bit of constipation followed by diarrhea which thank goodness seems to be over.

With only two more infusions to go I feel I am crawling towards the finish line of a marathon.

It's nice that the weather has warmed up and we can open the windows. So for the time that I can't get out I can breathe good air. It is still chilly at night, but it gets up into the 60's and 70's during the day. 

The Bradford Pear trees are blooming. We have a couple of flowers sprouting under one of the bushes next to the driveway.  Spring is earlier than I expected. 

here we are again and it is almost Friday

I am doing reasonably well, but Fess Parker (Davy Crockett) died today which made me think of how comfortable a coon skin cap would be right now.  

In my size, not the size of the one I had as a child.

Reminds me of all the summers our family spent at a small tar paper shack on a very back road in farming country seven miles from the nearest small town.  Not a care in the world and healthy.

I will spare you a list of my discomforts, but suffice it to say that this time they are intestinal in nature.

There was a meal of  some green chilies mixed in with some pasta Alfredo a day or so ago, and it will be going out the other end soon.

I do not have happy thoughts about that.

My walk was not that long today, and I think I want to go to bed early tonight.  Maybe I should sleep late tomorrow.

at some point it will only be a day away

I'm counting down the days to my next infusion a week from tomorrow.   I want it, infusion #5; followed by another struggle to overcome the peculiar sensations and weaknesses that it entails.

At least I haven't puked  yet.

Did that just after I lost my right tonsil to biopsy surgery last December by taking a helpful amount of roxicet after breakfast one day.  Pain, pain, go away and then I got sick.

So, roxicet is worse than chemo?

But I was counting down to #5 so I can get on to #6.  And get the port taken out.

And get on with recovery.  My life.

tinkering with a bit of code and laughing

There is a certain comfort with work:  the programs haven't changed through all this madness that has been my lot over the past eight to ten months or so.  I had an epiphany today found the bug I was looking for and tested it all in the space of 30 minutes or so.

Work can be a very comfortable distraction, but today I had a different one: I went for a walk as usual but ended up walking a block further than before.  

Some construction had been going on in the roadway beyond the distance I usually walked but the trucks and equipment have vanished and now I can walk much further.

I only have to go.

I felt much stronger today and it is a good feeling.  Considering the "death warmed over" feeling that I had several days I go it is much of an improvement.

I am getting into the better part of this cycle and in a couple of weeks it will be time to be infused again.

But I only have two of those to go.  Whoopee!

a moment to reflect on this special year

It has been a strange and special year:  it started out with a mild but persistent headache that simply got worse.


By the time I was  told that I had cancer I wasn't exactly mentally functional:   I had increasingly worse headaches and my neck was in pain;  I lived in fear of violent neck spasms.


The pain had a deadening effect on me and when I started to think I might die I considered that idea calmly.   My world darkened and being the fatalist that I am I just accepted that.  Death seemed very reasonable, likely and not necessarily unpleasant considering that I was in episodic pain.  

There have been perhaps a handful of people that when they have died I have known about it through some discomforting dream.   And it occurred to me that there were people who loved me and they might have some very bad dreams when I died.

I had a responsibility to them and I remember thinking to myself that I wanted to pull back from the abyss and live.

Now all my litte tumors seem to be gone and in another couple of months I will be free of chemotherapy treatments and can have my port removed.

I can say that life looks very good right now.

Bit of a relapse, but to be expected

Not feeling quite so good as yesterday, but still better than the usual several days of diarrhea.

A little more nausea and upset stomach.  Sometimes when I feel this way I think it's because of something I ate; in this case ice cream.  Black cherry ice cream. Delicious black cherry ice cream.

Why don't I just blame the prednisone.

I went out for a  brief walk, but didn't get very far.  Just tired. My sinuses are giving me a headache so I think it is time for a nap.

Feeling Surprisingly well

It's Friday (thank Goodness) and my work is done.  I've been feeling pretty well with only minimal nausea and not a lot of heartburn.

I went for a walk about noon and walked two short blocks to Highview.  I didn't feel like straining myself so I came home but it was nice to get out on a crisp sunny day.

I got tired by 2:30 and waited an hour to actually quit work. 

Normally I don't feel this good this soon after infusion.  Have I been dong something right, or am I just getting better?

An uneventufl day after the fourth infusion

It is one day past number four and my mid-back pain is back.  This has come back from time to time during these infusions and I haven't given it a lot of thought; but my back was strained after the lumbar puncture, not so much from the needle but from lying on a hard table and having to wait to get up.  

Thank God that will be over.  I just have to find the  requisite drug to halt those nasty little muscle spasms tonight.  Not that I don't have leftovers from other painful experiences.

Otherwise I'm doing very well for the first day after an infusion.  I haven't had the hideous excursions into the various forms of diarrhea that I had formerly experienced. I may be somewhat constipated although I don't know why. 

If I wait a day I might get the runs.

I've had a little nausea (for which I have Zophran) and some heartburn and a tendency to overeat from the prednisone.

Otherwise I feel pretty good.

Fourth Lumbar Puncture

Today was my fourth infusion which was pretty much uneventful.

It was also the last spinal infusion. Is the proper word: hallelujah?

The path report came back and it seems that the cancer has been greatly reduced.  My oncologist says it is good news which is a second reason to celebrate. The upshot of the report is that I am in good enough condition to have only six infusions instead of eight; so I now know two are remaining.


I also have the path report and it appears to my untrained eye to be good news although written in Greek and Latin.   Being a lover of ancient history, that appeals to me.

I puzzle out the cognates and Google them one by one.

One of my lumbar bones has a fracture that is new.  While new reason for lower back pain,  it doesn't look like it should affect any nerves.

Where would the cast for that go?


When I arrived at the oncologists floor and the nurse took my blood pressure it was 122/67 which is better than it has been in a while.

What magic pill did I take to get that?

What a Ride: PET/CT Scanned!

I used to watch commercials of people riding a narrow and lightly padded rail into the center hole of huge and long doughnut shaped diagnostic machines wondering what that would be like.


Well, for the second time I was privy to the secrets written on the inner surface of those long and white tubes.  There's a funky little red light up there and something behind a clear plastic shield that rotates at swift guillotine like speeds.  I remember thinking that if that shield wasn't there someone would be temped to stick they're fingers into the path of that blade.  Whoops!

This was the first time I slid in feet first, and I remembered commenting to the tech, a young dark haired woman who's accent gave her away as a native North Carolinian, that I felt less claustrophobic going in that way. 

My arms were up over my head and I was wrapped up in a blanket and padding with my trousers down around my knees so that the metal part of my jeans would not interfere with the scan.  I slid in and out of the machine, like some Popsicle stick sliding into and out of some whale sized toothless mouth.   It would stop.  Start.  Find a new position.  Move again.

My shoulder muscles started to ache, and my post nasal drip tickled the back of my throat until my eyes watered.  And I coughed.  All the while trying to be still.

After we were finished, my britches pulled up and about to go to the CT part of that another young woman came up to us (the tech was there) and told us that the CT scan had been canceled because it was not necessary.  They had called the scheduling doctor to confirm the appointment.

The Tech explained that the PET scan was also a CT scanner;  although without contrast.  But enough to do that job.

When you think about it, they already know where the tumors are.  Or were.

I knew what I was missing - an hour of drinking bitter and unnatural tasting contrast and then have more put in through my vein.  Relief is not the word.  It isn't strong enough.

Remembering that I had to wake up early to take my thyroid pill and not drink anything after 6:30 this morning.  No breakfast, no metformin. No water. They tested my  blood sugar and it was 147.  Waited more than an hour after after the injection of the radioactive dye until I was plugged into the doughnut.

Thank God that's over.  I hope I never go for that ride again.

Another Good Day - And Friday too

My blood sugars are slowly coming down as in 172 this morning instead of the usual 200 or so.  I was down to 121 last night and decided that I should eat something in the late evening to avoid a potentially low blood sugar overnight.

Now that I'm on a new diabetes drug that gets me to produce more insulin, I need to be careful not to take too much metformin. I want the blood sugars to come down slowly so I don't over shoot on the down side.  Especially late at night when I might not be able to cope so well.

I spent the day working but had time to get out for a walk and went back to the dumbbells frequently. I've been eating healthy food but also food that has a high level of carbohydrates.  When I saw my blood sugars spike to 285 I brought it down by going for a long walk and using the dumbbells.

I'm trying to decide when to go back to the fats and proteins.  I haven't felt like having eggs for breakfast; but I like them for lunch.

Since I've started on glimepiride I don't get the same cravings and I am loosing the sense of lassitude that I had; I also feel stronger.

Another day until...

It is amazing how quickly three weeks go by.  I'm just past the two week point and feeling almost like I never had an infusion in my life.  No nausea, no headache.  I feel good.

I had a glimepiride this morning (this is day 2) and I actually feel better although I can't tell that my blood sugars have come down yet.  I just tested and I have a 152.  Last night I tested before I went to bed and I had a 254 but that was clearly from overeating. Sometimes my blood sugars scare me, but then I think I've been here before and I will get better.

It was cold today, but sunny and we went to the whole food store to pick up some things.  It was nice to get out even if it was only to the store. I never got around to going for a walk. 

I've been working out (if you could call it that) with a couple of dumbbells I have in the hopes that I can build up some arm and shoulder muscle.  I had been hesitating because my port is on my right pectoral muscle and I was afraid of irritating the place where it is attached.

But I need the exercise.

While I'm contemplating side effects, such as irritation of my muscle,   I should note that my sinuses have been acting up lately.  With or without the flonase.  It's like I have allergies in the morning and in the evening no mater what drugs I take.

But otherwise nice day, and I became involved in a script I was writing and couldn't put it down.  It's a silly thing, but fun to put together. 

I missed the post last night - just got busy and forgot about it. It has occurred to me that I run into a great number of days when I have no symptom or appealing recollection to report.  Especially in the second week out from an infusion.  I have gotten past the sickly part of the cycle and I'm into that part where I can't feel the depredations going on under my skin.  The diminished cell counts, etc.

I count the days until...

It was a rather hum drum day, by blood sugars were 194 this morning and I am expecting to pick up my new diabetes drug any day now.  Maybe tomorrow.  I'm not worried, I've been worse than this before with less of an excuse,  but the simple fact is they have to come down.

I did take a walk of the usual distance about 4 or 5 blocks.  It was a nice day, and tomorrow it should snow.

A week from tomorrow is infusion number 4 and I will be seeing Dr Park again.  The lumbar puncture is in the AM and I wonder what drug they're going to give me this time. This will be my last lumbar puncture in the series and I certainly hope the last in my life. Nothing like an errant lumbar puncture to let you know what you've missed in life. I so look forward to it being over.

If the path report is good there will only be two more of the regular infusions after next week and I look forward to getting them over with.  Life calls to me.

Getting the port pulled out sounds wonderful too.

After all this there will be the business of getting back into shape and that will take a few months.

Rainy and drab today...

It has been a rainy and drab day today, and I've been working although taking frequent breaks to rest my eyeballs.

No serious headaches or other symptoms to report. No walks to talk about as the weather was inclement.  I am simply trying to recuperate from lunch.

I have a new diabetes drug to throw into the mix: glimepiride at 2 milligrams per day which I will be taking on a regular basis with my metformin.  According to a Wiki it acts by increasing my insulin production. Wish me luck in mixing it with the metformin. 

This came as a result of my emailing my doctor about Monday's upcoming tests where I will have a dye injected and the fact that I cannot take metformin while that is going on.

My blood sugars have been cruising along in the 150-200 range and I think my doctor wanted to bring that under control. 

I am building a resolve to get back to controlling my diabetes via diet and exercise but I can't do that now.

There will come a day when the chemotherapy treatments are done, and my highest priority then  will be exercise, caloric and carbohydrate restriction.

An interesting article on dolphin insulin resistance.

Everyone hates to diet even dolphins.

Altogether, reasonably...

Part of my nightly ritual is to take an anti-histamine, a bit of Singulair and spray some Flonase up my nose.  What fun you say. I think I have been having some sinus trouble recently and that may be what is causing some of my headaches.  Well, tonight something interesting:  I started to sneeze (the flonase makes my nose run) and found myself with a bloody nose.   Even more fun.  Let's see how this clots.

This is day 11 which puts me right in the middle of the "nadir" of white/red etc. cells.  Which in my case might not be as bad as it sounds. Platelets dropping?

It was a good day for a walk today and I took advantage of that fact and went for the walk up to Knob street which is I believe 5 blocks up the road.  It is a reasonable walk but back in the day I used to walk more than twice as far.  I felt body-tired after this walk but I didn't feel winded.

The effect of a chemo cycle is to feel very weak at first and to gradually get stronger.  I feel pretty strong by now but I probably don't have the usual degree of strength because as my body feels better from throwing off the chemo it is weakened by a drop in red cells which help stamina. 

Just an aside: the night sweats have been getting better.  I don't have then as often. But I still sweat up the bead occasionally.  Could be the warm comforter not the cancer.

A week from Monday (tomorrow) I get scanned to see how well the chemo has been working.  Hopefully all my little friends are gone by now and I won't have to take care of their welfare.  The scan entails an injected dye that will probably have to go in through my arm.  It would be too nice if they could just use the port.

I will have to come off the metformin for a day or two so I will be calling up my doctor this week to get something to bring my blood sugars down a bit so they don't spike too high. The dye and metformin are both excreted by my kidneys, so the rule is to wait a couple of days to come off the dye before going back on the metformin.

I'm thinking that I will seriously have to diet when I come off chemo (in the distant future) not only to bring my blood sugars down but to get rid of all the excess weight I've gained in the process.  Maybe I should see if my gym (which has been through a couple of owners) is back and I can start to exercise again.

Blather, Blather...

Well, at least temporarily the constipation is over.  Maybe there's something magical about three days. Let's hope?

Last week the projects I was working on were installed and I have new ones.  But I have eyestrain headaches and plain ordinary headaches that start to hurt when I bend over and blood rushes to my head.  I feel the pulsating sense that the pain is due to some other reason.  Maybe I should just sleep.

I watched a Netflix down loadable movie on meat packing agribusiness last night and decided that I really needed a big juicy hamburger today so I got over a pound of grass fed ground round from Whole Foods. I will fix it for lunch for Mary and me.  I wonder what I should put with it?

I scratched the back of my finger this morning, considering that I did it on a lid from the cat food in the garbage I was very careful to clean the wound with soap and water.  It didn't bleed much, which was unexpected considering my platelets should be low right about now.  It seems OK.

I did not post yesterday. More discussion about the pressing weight of the constipation and the bloated feeling that comes with eating a rather large quantity of chilly on top of the pressing weight of constipation would be boring.  So I decided to skip it.

But today things changed and I am no longer bloated and actually feeling pretty good.  It is a bright cheerful day and Mary and I have been out grocery shopping.  I'm contemplating a walk if I don't fall asleep first.

And then of course that big juicy hamburger is waiting.

Let us not discuss the matter

Once again no nausea in the AM, although I can't say the same for the evening. 

My walk was long and the weather was not quite as brisk as yesterday but I think I walked more briskly.  It was a sunny, breezy day and a pure joy to be outside able to stretch my legs.  I dressed warmly.


I expect that over the course of the remainder of these treatments I shall have the same recurring issues.  This followed by that.  That of course is the dreaded constipation and I am normally constipated.  I wonder how many little magnesium oxide pills I have to take until they work?

Fiber, I have to take more fiber!

A little late, but better late than never...

I wasn't sick this morning, although I was stuffed after overeating the day before.  It's nice to wake up feeling well - and that feeling in the tummy that it doesn't want to puke.   I didn't get around to taking Zophran until mid afternoon.  A bit after my walk. A nice long walk in the fresh air.

Today was one week after my infusion; and that's why I felt better.  Now only two weeks to go until I feel wretched again.  But until then I will bask in the after glow of normalcy that comes from having most of my symptoms recede into the background.

As I ask myself why I must focus with such exclusivity on my intestinal system and the proper processing thereof I realize that this is the also first day of constipation following my infusion.

Constipation should have been here Monday, why did it wait until Wednesday?

Well, better late than never; and I have taken a number of those magnesium oxide pills, so the problem won't last past tomorrow.

All's well that ends well...

The day began with nausea and a difficulty concentrating (I felt sick) but then as the day progressed, I got better (yes I can take two Zophran).  I managed to get a little work done, and took a sufficient number of breaks to prevent serious headaches.

Took a walk about 10:00 and walked about five blocks; not feeling breathless at all.

So it was a pretty good day, today and it would be nice if tomorrow would be just as good.

Well there wasn't then there was...

Yes there was a bit of diarrhea today, although it has been on and off for the last several days.  I just didn't expect it on a day that should have been dedicated to constipation.  Normally (over the last two infusions) the day I come off the prednisone is the day I become constipated.  It didn't happen.  Disappointment to an extraordinary degree.  Well, maybe not so much.

Otherwise I've been trying to deal with the headache by looking up from the computer and taking my glasses off.  Not to mention staring out the window. 

Or watching television.  Anything to rest the eyes on something other than the computer screen.

One last thing - things have started to taste funny, and I have a bad aftertaste.  Kind of a permanent "yuck" factor.  Soda can be OK; but water is definitely nauseating. 

Actually my stomach hasn't felt that good today either.

An unusually well comported first five days..

The title translated: no diarrhea today.  Lot of nausea and upset stomach; no headaches to speak of. 

Now that I have that out of the way, it was a very pleasant day and I went for a walk but didn't get all that far before becoming winded and coming back.  Maybe several blocks some of which was up hill.

Today is my last day on prednisone for this infusion and I am quite relieved and looking forward to the constipation tomorrow.  I have been dry mouthed and dehydrated more than usual.  Water has a peculiar unpleasant flavor.

I'm hoping everything gets back to normal tomorrow.

Although I have been eating well I haven't had the usual cravings that accompany prednisone. Must be adjusting.

Diarrhea delayed is...

I have been expecting some diarrhea to show up since I was infused, and it has finally shown up.  With it came some stomach upset and general nausea. 

I'm waiting for it to all go away.  And I know it will in just a couple of days.  I may feel rotten, but not this rotten.

Otherwise it has been a restful day - a day to get groceries and nap in the afternoon.

The headache seems to be related to computer stuff; when I focus and work on the computer my eyes hurt and my head feels worse.  If I read a book it is not so bad.  If I stare off into space it gets better.

I will soon opt for staring off into space.

FYI: my blood sugar was 117 this morning:  Yippee!

Walkies...

I took a walk today and it was reasonably long. Strange, so soon after infusion.

The biggest problem was my headache which did not respond well to drugs. Tylenol is out because it could hide a fever, the NSAIDs are out because they could give my platelets  the double whammy.  I have to take an oxy-somthing-or-other-codeine-or-done.  It's such a long word.  And doesn't work all that well.

It's probably constipating.

I spent a lot of time today working or resting from work.  My project really got done this time; or at least to the first acceptable level of testing. The oxycodone I took didn't seem to work very well.  Eventually after work was over I took a skelaxin which is a mild muscle relaxant and that worked.

So my headache is really muscle tension?

Ex Post Facto: surprisingly a day without cramps and diarrhea

My intestinal fortitude has me surprised I must have taken a drug that prevented the worst of diarrhea and cramps.  Things are moving through better than normal, which is not really normal just like the first time I was infused. 

Infusion number 2 was a feast of poop whoopee!  Forgive my transliteration.

I don't feel half bad but if I try to work I get a very bad headache.  I wonder what it is about programming that does that.   Reading non work stuff seems to give me a headache, but not so quickly.

Writing this will give me a headache shortly.   Considering that I've been working in pain of one form or another since June I should be used to it by now.

I walked - I got as far as the next street over which is up a gently sloping hill but started to feel, not winded but kind of weak in the chest.  My leg muscles felt strong but I felt like I ran out of energy.

Experience tells me that in several days I shall feel stronger.  I wonder which drug in the R-CHOP makes me feel so weak.

So far so good on the blood sugars.

That needle looks like a big plastic pipe

Today was my third infusion and once again it was done with the port.

R-CHOP is a combination of drugs and fortunately I tolerated the R part of that pretty well.  Somewhere after that is one that is infused via a couple of very large syringes and I always wonder about that.  I imagine it to be some viscous fluid that you wouldn't dare inject into body parts but seems to dissolve in the blood.  One of the nurses on an earlier infusion said that it was also infused for breast cancer, and had the nickname of the "Red Devil".

It ranks up there with prednisone for being a drug I dislike. I feel funny when it is infused and it is also the drug that is heart toxic. Today I briefly felt a sliver of sensation go from my heart down to the fingers of my  left hand as it was being infused.

This is the one that makes you pee red.  Well, a pleasant copper color in may case.

The lumbar puncture was once again with methotrexate infusion and the gentleman doctor took out an 11 point something CC for the lab.

If he was able to get that out I had apparently hydrated properly yesterday.

I haven't had much of an issue with side effects yet, although I had a brief deep chill a few minutes ago starting in my head and going down through my whole body, but now I'm back to normal.

The tech that did my MUGA so long ago had a button that said "Cancer Sucks" and it is certainly true as I would be on my way to Paradise or a Reasonable Alternative but for the Chemo.  However I have to say that chemo runs a close second.

Drowning in water

The last time they tried to get a sample of spinal fluid they only got 2.5 cc; this was because I was dehydrated. My personal opinion is that the infusion itself (which I had just had) is pretty dehydrating.  But the instruction was to drink lots of water the day before, and I have.

I stopped at one cup of coffee this morning and I have been belting down as much water as possible.

Excuse me,  I have to fill my jug.

Another day, Another Headache

I have been trying to ignore my headaches.  I wonder if they are caused by withdrawal from the chemo.  Just a thought - it seems to get worse towards the end of the cycle, in the early part I don't notice a headache.

Of course that could be because in the early part of the cycle I have so much else going on I don't notice. The doctors talked about headaches from the spinal infusion; but I believe that is an immediate issue.

Aside from it's pulsating characteristic my headache is of a different quality than the old headaches caused by the neck tumor. 

Of course my little friend did eat into my C2 vertebra (looking ghastly on the CT scan)  and that may not have healed yet.  It looked like a good bite taken out - I wonder if it will heal at all.

BS stands for Blood Sugars

My blood sugars have been high in the AM for the last few days. 

I've had figures of 195; 214 and 215.  A little disturbing because I have not been on prednisone for a couple of weeks.  I expected the numbers to come down.

I will be back on the drug in a few days and I wonder what it will spike my sugars to then.  Of course I am well armed with metformin so unless I get badly nauseated I will be able to ward off the exceptionally high numbers.

I am sticking to a protein/fat diet most of the time which normally controls my numbers. 

Not now:  I took a couple of metformin with breakfast and that brought my numbers down to 134 later in the day but it is not what I would like.  My prescription is for one a day and I want to save the metformin for the period when I am on prednisone.  That was the plan.

I should probably be thankful that I'm not waking up to numbers over 300.  But if I wait a week it will probably happen.

I got my project done!

Well, more or less.  It passes the tests, but I may have done funny things to some transactions.  I'll try to clean that up tomorrow.

We went shopping today and I got drugs for after next weeks infusion (to keep the nausea away).  I'm feeling pretty good, although I have a headache.  I still feel like I'm coming down with something although the sensation is waning.

I'm over the "nadir" of white and red cell counts and feeling ready for infusion number 3.  After which we will have to make appointments for tests to determine if I am cancer free.

If I am cancer free I am limited to six cycles which would be very nice.

...yes I have been missing posts..

Well, my body went poop today and I think I'm just going to go to sleep.  Much like this point in my first infusion cycle I am feeling like I am coming down with something.  I just don't feel well. I assume I'll feel this way for the next several days.

I don't feel that my little friends are back, I mostly feel exhausted.  Part of this may be a blood sugar issue which I am trying to control and part of it (I would assume) is the chemo.

I wanted to sleep late this morning, and I should have.

Well, I slept late today...

I did sleep late; and rushed downstairs to log into my computer so I could get to work.  Better late than never I suppose. But with the passage of a couple of hours I realized that I had a headache and couldn't focus.

Well, they don't pay me to be an idiot so I emailed my boss and told him I was logging off for the day.

Today is day 14 after my last infusion and I'm not surprised to be a little dysfunctional; red & white cell counts are down and God knows what else goes along with it.

Otherwise it is a pretty day with sunlight on the snow and lawn and I'm thinking how nice it would be to go for a walk.

after a day I wanted to sleep

I spent the day working, but with going from one project to another and an hour long project meeting I became very tired and retired from work early. 

This was after having a half hour nap at 11:30.

I'm back on my diet after being off it since the first infusion.  Somehow the novelty of prednisone led me to eat way too much of the wrong stuff and now I need to reduce what I eat and stick to the list of approved items.

What fun.

I had a blood sugar of 192 an hour after dinner which was not carbohydrate free, but everything had a reasonable glycemic index: cheese, a bit of turkey breast,  a few olives and some hummus.

I have discovered an insulin index while Googling for a glycemic index list and it looks interesting.

I should probably be taking more metformin, but I hesitate to manage my diabetes on an ad-hoc basis.  I'll see how the diet works out.

Another delightful day

A pretty good day altogether, although I can get tired and a headache when I work a bit more than I should.

I am into the 10-14 day period from my last infusion where my white cell count will have dropped and I still feel pretty good. 

Naturally, I went to whole foods with Mary to see if I could pick anything up. I am in the "pleasantly coasting along" period of this until Wednesday February 10th when once again I will be infused via my port and with a lumbar puncture. 

But that's a week and a half away and I'm still euphoric about being over the constipation.

Although the infusion itself isn't too painful, I still grip the pillow in the lumbar puncture and clasp my eyes like I'm about to lean over a precipice.  The next few days after the infusion are a feast of gut wrenching cramps and defecations  that leave me bleary eyed and joylessly asking myself when it will be over.

But I don't have to worry about that now, I'm going to have a good time.

A Sunny Day

It was a cold but pleasant day, once I got up. 

The snow is starting to melt into ice as the temperature rises and this afternoon we went out to clean off Mary's Car so she can drive out and run errands during the remainder of the week. It was a little bit of effort and exertion which was wonderful.  I wore my new LL Bean wool pullover hat which kept my bald head very nice and warm.

We ran the car out into the road so we would have tire tracks to come back to whenever we decide to go out over the next few days.

I'm feeling pretty good, my blood sugars are a little raised and it looks like I have to get back to the old diet, but it's a bit difficult when I can't get outside and exercise.  But I'll be able to do that in the spring; which is something I look forward to.

I wore my orange "39" baseball cap today

I spent five hours working today, and had a pretty good time at it. But the simple fact of the matter is I get tired even though I sleep late.

It was a good day.

The physical symptoms are improving with constipation having a day of relief; and my digestion working a bit better than yesterday.  I feel almost normal.

But at the end of the day I had a pretty bad headache so I had to stop working and rest; whereupon my headache went away.

Life goes on...

It was overall a quiet day which I spent trying to get my new project done which is due on Friday. I think I'm over the really bad stuff from this infusion (hoping I don't jinx it here). Now I'm into kind of a slow constipation and getting tired early; which when you think about it is a great improvement on last week.

So life goes on and I begin to forget about how bad it feels to have poison poured into you. About two more weeks and I'll have another dose which will surprise me with it's sickening feelings; as I take prednisone after prednisone, have my blood sugars go crazy and get strange and unusual cravings for different kinds of food.

My hair has for the most part left me and I feel fortunate that I did the buzz cut about a week ago; it prevented quite a mess.

It was a nice day today and got up to the mid 60's. I took a walk and noticed that the wind whipped under the hat and chilled the parts of my head that used to be protected by hair.

My hair will eventually grow back.

I'll just take more pills....

I felt pretty good today. I overate, but I didn't overeat the bad stuff so my blood sugars were only slightly elevated.

I almost feel as if the food got to first base (read: stomach) and stopped; almost as though there were a plug there and it couldn't go any further.

Quite a change from "hurry right through".

I took some fiber capsules and magnesium oxide tablets to keep the flow going but right now it is not working. This will last a few days and the plug will give way to relief (that's what happened before).

I put in nine hours at work (from my desk) and generally felt pretty good.

I wonder if I'll always be obsessed with my digestive process.

Post Script:

Mary just finished reading this and she says "Yes!".

A day without diarrhea is like a day without...

Thank God for small favors.

On the other had I don't feel well: too warm, too cold; sweats and chills. Not terribly nauseated.

I am tired of seeing Jean-Luc in the mirror instead of me. Maybe a wig? No, I wouldn't want to sink that low. I'll stick to a hat.

I find my orange baseball cap from Berkeley very comfortable for inside work although whenever I look in the mirror I wonder what the "39" above the bill stands for. It keeps my head warm.

The diarrhea has stopped, but the constipation has begun and I wonder if I should start eating large numbers of magnesium oxide pills. To go, or not to go, that is the question?

I did not test my blood sugars today, assuming them to be close enough to normal.

Relief at Last

Today was the first good day: no nausea in the morning; although I did have the single bout of diarrhea; a beautiful day outside and we were able to open the windows. I put in almost a full day of work and had some success in my projects.

My blood sugars were much lower today: 114 early in the AM and after breakfast 115. Around noon I had some onions and raw tomato with cottage cheese and a slice of whole wheat toast and my blood sugars only went up to 170.

I noticed that I had lost more hair and my beard was thinning.

I took the garbage and recycle out to the curb and brought in the mail, and as I walked back to the garage I felt like a weight and darkness had been lifted from me. Since it had been with me for so long, it was a noticeable change. I hope it sticks around.

I would suppose the sunny and warm day might have had something to do with the pleasant feeling.

Wasting Away Again in Diarrheaville

I had a blood sugar of 124 this morning; and after breakfast had a session to purge my insides of all good things.

Thank goodness I haven't vomited yet.

I wonder if the food gets digested before it is dumped?

I looked in the mirror hatless and found Jean-Luc Picard looking back at me. Strange.

I took my last prednisone this morning and will see how much it makes my blood sugar go up. I had two 500 mg tablets during breakfast, and my blood sugar has been stable so far. Of course that was several hours ago. I have since eaten again. I find it interesting that in order to keep my stomach from feeling too bad, I have to eat.

And while I'm going through this misery and looking in the mirror at Jean-Luc Picard more than me (he was bald, remember) I am having moments where I think of the beach and how much fun it will be to go there this coming summer.

Maybe I can convince my doctor to up my metformin prescription so I can eat like a pig when I'm there.

Early this afternoon I had a spike in blood sugar to 348 and it lasted an hour before it came down to 328 after I ate enough to take some metformin.

I had formerly kept my diabetes under control by eating fats and proteins and occasionally other things but not that often; and taking one 500 mg tablet of metformin in the evening. Prednisone threw that all out the window and I am now trying to control my blood sugars by taking 3-4 metformin a day and it is not working very well.

I will be calling my doctor and talking to him about my prescription tomorrow.

The Third Day is perhaps Charmless

There is nothing quite so engendering of contemplation as a good bout of nausea.

When I had some yogurt for breakfast I noticed that it seemed flavorless; or maybe it would be better to say not really flavorful. Creamy, white and smooth but missing taste.

I ate it anyway seeing as I was going to the store with Mary.

My blood sugar this morning was 138 and after coming back from the store, taking some prednisone and waiting around a while was 158.

Prednisone can make the blood sugar go up without food - simply amazing stuff.

So for most of the day I have had nausea a bit of the previously mentioned Excessive Defecation Syndrome (for the innocent, I made that up) and cramps.

Naturally I didn't eat much which had something to do with my blood sugar being so reasonable for so long.

But I did eventually have some chicken broth and vegetable broth which may have had some carbohydrates in it because the next time I tested my blood sugar it was 251.

Ah yes, I had some turkey in there and I would suspect that is what raised my blood sugar.

Stuff that would normally not bump my blood sugars at all raises them a lot.   This is the curse of prednisone.

It is a good thing that tomorrow is my last day on that drug.  My blood sugars will hopefully normalize.

Ditto!

I'm certain that my colon emptied itself yesterday and the only reason I'm not suffering from Excessive Defecation Syndrome today is that the food I ate since has not worked its way to the end of my small intestine.

I continue to be nauseated although I took anti-nausea pills.

My memory about which pill to take when is a bit of a problem, and yes I have a daily pill pop plastic container with the days of the week in big bold single letter abbreviations on each little box.

I'm on prednisone, please don't expect me not to be confused; or disoriented.

I've made worse mistakes, I noticed today that for over a week I have been drinking French Roast Decaf instead of Dark Sumatra. Well they're both dark roasts and I filled up my coffee container with the one when I meant to fill it up with the other.

Please consider the seriousness of this mistake, occasionally missing a dose of my medicine or getting too much pales in comparison.

With the possible exception of the prednisone.

I am beginning to recover a bit, although I'm also a little bleary eyed and cold. Not from the lack of caffeine, but from the chemotherapy infusion a couple of days ago.

Whoops, I jinxed it. I said I was getting better about an hour ago and now the cramps have come back.

I am not eating for multiple tumors today, I had a light two egg breakfast and snacks of yogurt, yogurt and wild berry preserves, yogurt and multibran cereal with wild berry preserves.

And just now chicken broth with low-carbohydrate pasta cooked in it. And a more than sensible guacamole, provolone, onion tomato sandwich.

I am being so circumspect in my diet today it hurts.

And I haven't seen my blood sugar spike to 300 either, only a reasonable 200 something.


But I am not feeling well, so I will close this up early and do something other than write.

Yuck and Double Yuck!

Even with the prednisone, I managed a pretty good night of sleep.

This is very different than how I felt and what I had to tolerate after the first infusion. Sleeping in a chair because I hadn't been able to breathe laying down because of all the back of the throat swelling since the biopsy. The prednisone keeping me awake until almost five in the morning.

At that time when I did sleep night sweats were leaving me soaked every morning.

A good night's sleep and waking up dry in the morning is a very pleasant surprise. Although Mary said she pulled some of the covers off me when she felt that I was hot in the night. It was still pleasant.

But I also awoke this morning with the runs. Yes, pleasant subject, and cramps and pain like I had the flu. No nausea though presumably because I took my anti-nausea drug.

I'm also just feeling generally crappy.

After the runs passed, at least for a while, I was blessed with a ravenous appetite which I indulged. I made a lovely three egg omelet into which I put a combination of green olive tapenade and four day old guacamole.

This was after a breakfast of assorted Spanish olives.

I decided to have some whole wheat bread (with cream cheese), and then I had some more bread with cream cheese.

I did take the precaution of taking double my metformin dosage with that excessive amount of food but my blood sugars are still up to 301.

The prednisone doesn't help.

Several hours later the blood sugars came down to a more reasonable level - 160 something and I ate some vanilla ice cream (full fat) and peanut butter.

My appetite has taken some strange turns in the last month or so. I stopped dieting when I found out that I had cancer - it started with dumping the can of tuna and olive oil and demanding a lunch of Jason's Deli Russian Rubin.

I started writing this early in the day so I wouldn't miss the joie de vivre of the stomach cramps and rather devolved into the joie de vivre of eating lots of food. I'm not real clear on where it goes from here.

But it sounds like a good place to call it quits. I have sleeping pills and I will use them tonight.

Infused with Pleasure

It has been a long day and I am tired. 

Again no reaction to the infusions - even the spinal canal infusion with whatever that drug is.  It begins with the letter S or C not F.  Shucks, I can't spell.  Can't remember either.

The port worked very well, although it bled after they pulled out the needle.  I could use both hands so I didn't feel so confined even though the line ran from the infusion devices and bags to my chest.

It works for me!

A little scary that chemo goes so quickly to the heart, but it would get there after damaging a vein otherwise so I guess it's a good thing.

Once again the prednisone sent my blood sugars up but they are on average 100 points higher than they would be otherwise.  I hope the extra metformin I took will bring it down to a reasonable value.

I had about an hour after I got home that I was able to work and get that project done that I thought I could never do.

I am simply amazed at how my mind woke up a couple of weeks after the first chemo when I started to recuperate from the pain and pressure from the various tumors in my neck, spleen, liver and God knows where else.

Two out of four final spinal infusions done (they took less out than they put in this time).

Two out of six or eight R-CHOP infusions done.

I will try to enjoy the days I can in between the infusions but it is such a relief to have the problem being dealt with and the infusions are effective since my really bad headaches and stiff neck have gone away.

I wish to sleep, but being on prednisone I don't know if I can (but I do have sleeping pills).

Good Night

Function Over Vanity

My hair was simply falling out and thinking that I would plug the drain I just took the clippers to it and did the proverbial buzz cut. 

It doesn't look great and a professional would have done much better.  Come to think of it it wasn't great the way it was anyhow.

I think I'll cover it up with a hat.

My infusion is tomorrow and I'm trying to figure out which hat to wear.  I have an orange baseball cap with the number 39 in brown numerals on the front that I picked up in Berkeley; I have an Alienware  hat with a big silver alien on it that Mary got with her PC, and I could use that or if it's cold enough I could go with my ancient tweed from the 80's.  

I was never the height of fashion and I just want to cover my head so what am I to do?

All in Anticipation

As I nurse my wounds (asking myself if I should take that little pill or a small shot glass of whiskey) or contemplate the sadomasochistic pleasures I take in my headache, I ask myself again which way to the lumbar puncture (in the basement) and which way to the next R-CHOP infusion (3rd floor).

All in a days dosage.

I never did catch the name of the drug they're going to inject into me via lumbar puncture (which I am tempted to abbreviate LP, but why should I put my readers through that confusion) except that it begins with the letter F.   I can think of any number of letters to add to it, but I wouldn't have the name of the drug.

I believe that the R-CHOP will stay the same, but for the fact that it will take (or is it supposition) 4 hours instead of 7 and a half.

I will only get stuck in my little port thing-a-ma-jig not in a vein, so one small bit of sunk costs pays dividends.

But I shall have to deal with feeling totally crappy for the next several days, but that's a small price to pay for having my life given back to me.

A Port for any Storm

Ports are a great idea.  Avoid all those sticks which we all hate and lessen the pain.

I had one put in just the other day: it's under the skin and I can feel where it is (mine is double barreled ) and up close to my neck I can feel the catheter that runs up from the port also just under the skin until it goes inside into a vein that goes down to my heart.

It still causes some pain in late evening.

When I think about it I start to ask myself how I was ever convinced that this was a good thing?

I had to get poked twice to get this and when I add up the pokes on the one side and the fact that this thing had to be surgically implanted in me I wonder if I made the right choice.

All the medical staff say it's such a good thing and I'm thinking, but was it for me?

Decide in haste, repent at leisure.  And I am definitely at leisure now.

Hair and Other Inconveniences

I still have a considerable amount of hair on my head, considering that a lot came out in my comb last night.  The question is how do I efficaciously remove the rest so that it does not become a problem.  Like that hair I noticed on my plate at lunch.

I have considered taking a clippers to my hair (yes, that's how I trim my beard) and perhaps shaving the rest. But that sounds complex, and I'm not sure I'd like the result.  I haven't quite gotten to the point where I would consider shaving my head.

Although I may get there soon.

Several days ago, since it was haircut time again, Mary made an appointment with our hair guy and I will get a haircut on Monday.  I'm going to see if I can just get it clipped down to the nub. 

Kind of like basic training.

At least if it falls out then I won't notice it after it lands on my plate.

It hath returned! From the Crypt it hath Come Forth!

My little friends are back, I can feel them.  Creeping around in my neck and other places, pressing up against muscles and nerves. I had thought I had put them to rest because I felt so relieved after my first infusion.

But they are here, rather seductive, if they weren't mindless little shits causing me pain I would feel far more affectionately towards them.


I'm actually looking forward to another set of infusions so that my little shits will once again be vanquished.  It is less than a week away and I'm in much less pain than I was before my first infusion, so I'm hopeful that this next one will get rid of even more my lymphoma.

Otherwise I'm feeling pretty good; work is working out and I can take my bandages off and shower and change them tonight.

All is right with the world.  I have enough pain med to cover the odd horror.

Sweet Dreams....

The Great Unwashed

I wouldn't anticipate things growing in various crevices where I wasn't able to do the kind of due diligence that I normally do, but I don't own a microscope and probably wouldn't look anyway.

I am unwashed because the bandage must stay dry.   I do wonder if a layer of skin will come off with it when I pull it off in another day or so.

I managed to clean myself to some extent, but there are limits when you can't get yourself bodily into the shower.  And don't want to dirty something that will need to be washed later.

Otherwise I've had a bit of a headache for the last couple of days and I took some of the serious pain med last night to deal with the post-surgical pain small though it was.

A little tired today, and joyfully anticipating next Wednesday when I get the full R-CHOP and spinal infusion.  Kill that cancer.

The whole point of the port is to reduce the damage to peripheral veins from the chemotherapy and multiple needle sticks from blood draws; but although I feel grateful that my life has been saved by this anti-cancer medical technology that does not change the fact that I am left with a series of unpleasant and bad choices.

Rather in the way a sadist might ask you: where you would like the pain?  How much pain here vs pain there; and risk here vs risk there?  You can almost see the cold surgical instruments at the ready.

In the ultimate pursuit of the preservation of my life I lay myself open to one thing or another that will cause me fear, trepidation and pain.  Ultimately the cancer would have given me that anyway, so I guess I have been proactive.  It is fear, trepidation and pain that I facilitated.  Whoopee!

And I don't Bathe for HOW MANY DAYS?

Sample port products were shown to me while I was appropriately undressed waiting to get taken in and worked on.

I was struck by the length and circumference of the dangling line that would drop from up close to my neck down a good sized vein directly into my heart so that full strength infusion could be distributed throughout my body.

This scheme prevents the kind of damage to my veins that chemotherapeutic chemicals can cause.

I only paused for a moment to think: and now they're going right into my heart next to my sensitive little valves?


As the procedure started I was given a double port because I have lymphoma. There must be a reason for that but like many truths: questions may lead to conclusions that I'd rather not hear.

It had been a long day already what with seeing my oncologist and working through some paperwork issues with his "nurse navigator". It seems that I will be merely quasi functional for a definitely longer period of time than I had anticipated.

By a couple of months.

Naturally I had wanted to revel in workaholic passion in a mere several or so months, but I shall have to rest and retire from the day to the diverse entertainments available to the hapless couch potato.

It seems that the R-CHOP chemotherapy regimen has a deeper cumulative effect with each cycle that wears on a person. I suppose that means that my hair will fall out even though it made it through the first cycle intact.

My next lumber puncture and infusion has been scheduled for next week Wednesday. My next R-CHOP infusion (via port) has been rescheduled for the same day.

On a lighter note I will enjoy the next couple of days unbathed since I have a bandage that cannot get wet. I get to change it Friday and a couple of times more.

A' La Porte Placement?

My hair is starting to feel a bit more normal after I take a shower.

I managed to actually get a few things done on my project today and I am beginning to feel that I am on the mend.

My tumors may be on the mend too, I think the lump at the corner of my jaw is feeling it's oats and plumping up a bit.

After the success of the first infusion I am beginning to see the necessity of multiple infusions. Which reminds me we have to schedule the second infusion into the spinal column. I imagine two weeks from tomorrow.

Tomorrow the port will be put in and I wonder if I underestimated what it will be the same way I underestimated the biopsy. Somehow I had minimized the biopsy in my mind and was a bit shocked when it involved being put under and having what seemed to me major surgery done to the back of my throat. I didn't need that tonsil anyway.

I know it can't be major if it's the back of my throat but my need for grandiosity pushes me to make the most of that most horrible of sensations: Waking from surgery and finding that I'm not quite all there.

I still miss my tonsil.

Well, right I don't need it. Would you feel the same way about yours?

There is something to be said for being intact.

But tomorrow is the port placement and I will be amended with plastic or whatever.

I know it's a useful thing to have and simplifies the infusions and blood draws. I will enjoy it immensely. I will take pleasure in my port. It will be a part of me, metaphorically speaking.

I will cherish it like my tonsil.

Woik Makes Me Happy

I'm supposed to be into "low red cell count" territory but I spent the day working anyway.

I was energetic and alert this morning and that started to deteriorate into a tiredness around 11:30; a couple of hours later I was more tired.

Now I am truly exhausted.

Note the lack of humor. The thoughtlessness. The cheerless sense of the necessity of slogging through the work even though I should simply sleep. Maybe I'm sleeping now and this blog has become my nightmare. Maybe I don't love my blog, I secretly despise it!

Yes I'm doing well.

The hospital where I will have the port installed in a couple of days called today and gave me directions for what not to do the night before and that morning.

Ouch! They're going to put me under for this little procedure.

The port is probably bigger than I thought it was. It was talked about so casually, I think I simply was put to sleep by the boredom of it. Easily done these days.

It's too late for cold feet now. But I avoid all those pokes into my arm with this. Well, most of them. Is it worth it?

This is the week when both red cell and white cell counts are low. Immune system, where did you go? I need you now. I feel trashy.

Speaking of which I do have to take the trash and the recycle out so I will abruptly terminate this stream of consciousness with a grunt!

Ugh!

Another Day, Another Onion...

Mary and I ventured out into the world today to get the remainder of my anti-nausea drugs and some for diabetes.

She tells me I should wear a mask on Wednesday when I go to see my oncologist and get my port put in. I will feel silly, but I suppose a cold would really throw things off schedule.

Speaking of a cold, when I paid the co-pays on the drugs the young lady behind the counter had watery eyes and was sneezing. She said she had allergies.

To mask or not to mask, that is the question.

I'll obsess more about this later.

Just before we went out I felt what's left of my immune system click on. Kind of like you feel when you feel a cold coming on. Sinuses get funky, throat and chest feel that light tingly feeling. Phlegm, about to take hold.

What you've never felt any of those things?

It's been a pretty good day, not much nausea except for feeling that I should come down with something although nothing has shown up.

I had a conversation today that reminded me how good I feel now compared to how I felt a little over a week ago. I complain about the nausea, but even that isn't bad compared to what I felt then.

Thankfully I was utterly oblivious to how bad I felt. But I'm not oblivious to how good I feel now.

Guten Abent meinen Freund und Freundin...

And welcome to the extent of my German.

Next week a port will be put in somewhere on my chest so that needle sticks can be minimized. They might want to check my red and white cell count too as they should be dipping over the next several days; if I did my math right.

Then the following week it's infusion number two.

I've had the usual upset stomach, but it isn't as bad as it usually is probably because I ignored my tummy's usual complaints about not having enough.

Of course it helped that the video on my PC was not broken and I could pleasure myself in not too old episodes of Dollhouse. Everything else, except that fancy wireless mouse that I bought from the company that sold me the computer seems to work OK.

So I will take some pleasant anti-nausea medication and go to sleep. At least until the next round of R-CHOP.

Once upon a time I thought about the tawdry ....

Yes, well it is Friday night after all, isn't it. And I am having more frustration trying to watch videos on my PC than with my tawdry little lymphoma. I'm actually doing pretty well although I am having a bit of a rough patch trying to get in the groove to get back to work.

It seems I've forgotten all about my project.

I have to ask if this is a side-effect of the chemo, or do I just want to forget my work?

The nausea and upset stomach has shifted from morning to evening. I get hungry, make dinner and then get an upset stomach. My stomach then tells me to give it a little of this or that and it promises that it will feel better, but it just gets sour, full and joyless.

Well, what can you do?

I am beginning to think of Windows 7 as a bowl full of barf. I can't watch my videos, or watch on the web or download Netflix or talk to people with Skype.

I am very unhappy, but feeling reasonably well.

Nothing much tonight...

I was quasi-functional today. Actually got some work done but had to rest and go out and get more anti-nausea drugs which weren't ready. I had a lot of feeling tired and when I washed my hair it still feels dirty afterward. I should be going into anemia sometime this weekend or soon after. And low white cell count.

My blood sugar was at 321 this afternoon - a result of an overeager eye at breakfast no doubt. A walk brought it down to 214 and soon after to 134 which is sort of tolerable.

My stomach has been upset since dinner although much of the edge came off with the (generic) Zofran. It's like my stomach is saying it needs something to right itself but whatever I eat doesn't do the trick. If I wait and get hungry again I'll try a little yogurt.

That walk, by the way is the first one I've had in weeks and it is cold here (well 32 degrees). Otherwise parts of me feel very good, but I think I really have to be careful what I eat.

The R-CHOP is potenitally damaging to the heart, and feeling way too full can't be good for that.

PS: Yogurt worked.

I hate to be so serious but I have good news!

We visited my oncologist today and he gave us the good news that there were no bits of metastatic cancer found in the sample of spinal fluid taken or in the bone marrow.

Of course that doesn't mean that I won't be treated to three more lumbar punctures and accompanying injections of methotrexate. The bone marrow can take care of itself.

The schedule is to do the tests (PET/CT scan) after the third cycle of chemotherapy and if I am cancer free at that point, continue until all six cycles are complete. The lumbar punctures and methotrexate infusions would take place while this is going on.

Naturally, I forgot to ask the really important question that was on my mind. When is my hair going to fall out?

Tomorrow it will be one week since I had my chemotherapy, bags of drugs that forced me to eat an enormous hamburger that night, and consume massive amounts of food over the ensuing half dozen days.

It turns out I lost about five pounds. This was something of a shock to me, I had been anticipating gaining about five pounds.

My blood pressure had dropped too, and I feel healthier.

Did I lose five pounds of tumor?

Let's consider some of the other side effects from this infusion of chemotherapy: my foot fungi died.

Does that make this treatment a weight loss, anti-fungal?

It seems to have done a pretty good job on the tumors too, but I might have considered doing it just to get rid of the foot fungus.

My appetite abates and I am plugged up!

I must have taken an insufficiency of little magnesium oxide pills. First there was the blood sugar and appetite of the evil prednisone, and now I'm not hungry.  I am also incapable of leaving appropriately sized  deposits in the local commode.   A sad state of affairs.

The prednisone has left me feeling that I've gained five pounds.  Today was my first day without.  I loved the food and it tasted better than food has tasted in years, but I feel depleted. And my waist feels bigger.

I've managed to work the last couple of days at home but it is difficult to focus.   The mind says work, and things are done in the wrong order.

Since I did not have any prednisone today (my five days are done) I should be able to sleep tonight.

When will the bottom fall out?

Here I am feeling relatively good wondering when the bottom will fall out. I've taken my last dose of the EVIL prednisone and prepare for the days to follow.  I have two anti-nausea drugs and I'm down to three pills of the good one.  Boo Hoo!

Otherwise good things are happening.  Stomach doesn't feel too bad except that I will be the one patient to gain weight on chemo. I have developed a taste for peanut butter and ice cream; and discovered that the right kind of hummus could do wonders for some cottage cheese and olive oil.  I've rediscovered bread; and wonderful high fiber crackers and Philadelphia Cream Cheese. And many more things diabetics only dream about.

It may sound strange, but it goes down and stays down!

Another Day Under the Influence

I think I am on day 3 with the Chemo itself as day one.

I'm not feeling half bad.  I haven't had a lot of sleep so far (about two hours a night), but the nausea is largely under control although I seem to have the sniffles a lot.

The swelling under my jaw is going down and I have not had to take much in the way of pain medicine at all; and then hardly in desperation as before.

My hair is still on my head, although I am toying with the idea of having Mary take the clippers to it so when it does fall off it won't plug the shower. I thought it might be a good idea to have it professionally trimmed, but if it's coming off by it's own to complete baldness why bother.

Do I just wake up one morning with my hair scattered around me where I slept, like all the cat hair scattered around the house?

This mystery will be answered in due time.

PS:

When Mary went over the path report from the PET and CT scans, she noticed that some really significant areas had no cancer: heart, lungs, colon.

Since I've had chemo, and through the sleepless nights one song has been going through my head: Bad Romance by Lady GaGa.

The day after the day before subdued by the drugs

I think I fell asleep sometime after 4:42 this morning.  I walked into the kitchen and noticed that Mary was feeding the cats and looked at the clock.

Evil prednisone.  I woke up a little after 8:00 and heard the shower upstairs.  Eventually we went out and got the drugs.  I don't remember all of what they were but two were anti nausea (one for drowsy, one for non-drowsy) and these are wonderful.

One of the drugs is normally used for gout but in my case, the little tumors may die and spill their guts out into the blood stream and add large quantities of things usually kept in low quantity.  


I've actually been sleeping in the big stuffed leather chair because I have a hard time breathing though my nose when I lie down due to swelling in and about my sinuses since the biopsy.  But if I fall asleep in the chair it doesn't bother me.

This problem is improving a bit.

I've been nauseated off and on and have woven my diet in such a way that it seems to alleviate it.  Mostly bland stuff - cottage cheese is good.  I made a mistake when I had the hummus with garlic.

My neck is definitely feeling better. I took one Tylenol today and that was enough until now. The usual strained muscles are just fine.

The prednisone is a bit of a problem and I have been taking a bit more of the metformin but that doesn't get them (blood sugars) quite down to normal.

I have 4 more days of prednisone, but since I take it in the morning I should be able to sleep. Well, sure maybe.

I look forward to sleep.

R-CHOP Oh how I love that feeling!

As I tell anyone who asks, I am perfectly normal.

This will perhaps be a bit disjointed, as the prednisone does funny things to me.  But with that disclaimer let me say that although my blood sugars are higher than they ought to be; I had no major complication.

At least not yet.

This stuff is supposed to stay in my system and work on me over the next 21 days.  I'm supposed to feel really awful after perhaps 10 days?  After it has done the destructive work that will trash my blood cells both red and white.

You can Google R-CHOP if you want detail about what the drugs were.  I remember I slept a lot because they infused it with an antihistamine: benadryl.


The infusions were left to right but one is called the 'red devil' there was a lot of it and it makes you pee red.  One of these makes your hair brittle and I can expect it to fall out.

The last infusion gave me the sniffles for about an hour. 

We were there early, although there was no valet parking so Mary dropped me off and I just went in and up to the third floor. I waited around and Mary joined me well before they took me in and my Oncologist stopped by and we all had a rather pleasant chat before he had to go back to rounds. I guess he was going to be on call for a while. He had left an envelop with some scripts in them and he explained what they were to Mary and me; and we went over the PET/CT scan pathology report.

Fortunately I don't remember too much about that Path report: it was two pages long and presented me with multiple locations of little treasures buried in my body.

I was simply waiting to die and didn't even know it.

Of course it could be simple suggestion, but my neck feels a little better.  I'm not hurting like I used to.  The hard lump went away several days ago and I will always ask what it was because it was the cause of the trip to the ENT which started this rather large ball rolling.

We stopped off and picked up some burgers on the way home and my blood sugars are running 300, I'm going to have to call the on call nurse at my doctors office and find a way to fix that.

We came in about noon and left about 6:45 pm.

But I'm in that sweet after glow that comes from being home after a long and exhausting day.  I should enjoy it while it lasts.  I'll probably be sick tomorrow since this stuff does a number on the lining of the gut.

Good Night.

PS

I have the lab report from the spinal fluid they took out and I'll have to call someone to understand what it should tell me.

MUGA, Lumbar Puncture and Stage

Today I had a MUGA first off which is a test to show what kind of shape your heart is in.  Especially the valves.  The reason for this is some of the chemo can damage the heart.

My heart looked really good.

I think the lumbar puncture had me sweating.  I remember asking myself as I was lying there if I had put BO on this morning.  then I didn't care. I have not been so scared half out of my wits since I can remember, but I just held on to the pillow and hoped the guys doing this knew what they were doing.

The idea was to take about 6.5 cc's of fluid out and send it to the pathologists to see if there were little metastatic critters in there and then put the same amount of Methotrexate back in to kill them off if they're there or not.

I guess prophylaxis is the proper word.

There were a few strange twinges and the pain killer burned, but it was OK.

We talked to the doctor about the extent of spread and he mentioned 4 or 5 places.  Liver, spleen maybe rib, tailbone.  I thought I only had one little buddy, but I've got a bunch.  I wouldn't have noticed this if it hadn't been for the one in the neck eating into my C2 vertebra.

But I've got a lot, and maybe elsewhere like spinal area or brain, we just don't know.

The good news is we're looking to cure, not just extend life although my case is referred to as "challenging".

PS

So this week I have had a PET scan, a CT scan, two pokes for bone marrow extractions and lumbar puncture with an infusion.  I look forward to R-CHOP chemo tomorrow.