I paraphrase the resident who took my spinal fluid sample. He actually asked me if I knew whether the other folks who had done this had used a longer needle. I didn't.
Later he said a longer needle also draws less fluid because it is narrower. I was kind of hoping it wouldn't hurt as much.
It is enlightening how each of these lumbar punctures leads me to a new and deeper understanding of trepidation and angst. I almost feel like I'm alone with God and He might just bring the ax down on me.
Maybe it's the preparation - the woman who tells me to unbuckle my belt, undo my trouser top and unzip a bit. When I was face down on the table she adjusted my trousers and undershorts down a bit and then tucked sheet into them and pulled my t-shirt up to mid chest level.
I was on a long metal table with a thin mat with a sheet over it. I braced my feet against the foot stop at the bottom and my head was quite close to the top.
My embarrassment only lasted long enough for me to think about what was going to happen next; I clasped the pillow I was leaning against and worked it between the thumb and forefinger of my right hand. Squeezing hard.
I did that at several points during the procedure.
I've actually had five of these "punctures" now, I should be used to it. Blase.
This one actually took less time and was less dramatic because the resident only had to get fluid out and I was well hydrated.
My oncologist didn't have to show up with a vial of drug to inject. That saved half an hour right there.
I doubt that they will find anything in the sample.
If they do find something I will be shocked and horrified. It will mean that I have something not quite benign in a place where it is difficult to kill. It will mean a future of successive spinal infusions. Perhaps other infusions, just for fun.
Let's hope not.
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